I do believe in free love and make use of that freedom as much as I can, but I do it very prudishly. I have never been one for public sex or any sort of exhibitionist activities. Well there was that one time that I did a little more than kiss a stranger in a closed-off room at a dance club in Philadelphia, but I was so young and, more importantly, quite drunk. Never, I repeat, never would I desecrate a place where I go to worship or a place where I go to find solace.
Now, I am not a religious person. I grew up Catholic, we attended weekly services at a local church and my dad taught Sunday school. Did I mention that the services were in Spanish? Did I mention that even thought I am one half Puerto Rican I don't speak one word of Spanish? So as a child, church was something very foreign to me, literally. Even as I got older, religion never really took.
There is one place I do go to worship: the gym. I don't mean that I go to pray to a deity while doing bicep curls. And I don't mean I go there to worship guys in their workout gear; that’s just an added plus. No, I go to wash away the craziness of the world and find a little peace. It's not my fault if it also embellishes my six pack!
I find it incredibly rude that someone would interrupt my search for peace with their search for a piece. This morning, while in the locker room at my gym, this young attractive fellow smiled at me. As a morning person and almost always with a smile, I smiled back. First mistake. After I finished my workout I went back to the locker room and found that I had a little extra time so I decided to sit in the sauna. The sauna was empty and I took my seat close to the door so I could see the clock. Second mistake.
Within minutes of me sitting down, Smile Boy from earlier sees me in the sauna and instead of going directly to the showers, came in and sat down in the corner where no one can see him. He said hi and removed his towel. You know how you can sometimes sense trouble? My “spidey” senses were all a tingle.
I was in the perfect position, allowing me to just stare at the corner and not have to look his way – picture “The Thinker”. Then I noticed some movement out of the corner of my eye. This would be one time that I cursed having good peripheral vision. Now, I am not 100% sure of what he was doing but I am hoping he was just shifting trying to get comfortable, like a cat. Too bad he was like a cat in heat!
After taking as much of his 'shifting' as I could take, I quickly walked out of the sauna and headed to the showers. Not shockingly so, he followed shortly thereafter and picked the shower next to mine. Did I smell of catnip?
While I was taking the fastest shower of my life, I kept hearing the weirdest sound. As I left my stall, I realized what that sound was. He was opening and closing his shower door waiting for my exit so he could entice me in. I didn't make eye contact and instead I made a b-line back to my locker and tossed my clothes on.
When I headed back to the dreaded bathing area to use make use of the sink, (damn you hair products!), I could still see him peaking out of the shower trying to get my attention! I have to admit I was a little impressed, not only does he have balls the size of Montana, metaphorically – not physically, he was persistent.
Could you imagine if I was totally into sauna/shower sex at the gym? He would drop his towel as I approach him and I would say "By the way, I am HIV positive." At least the statement would have been muffled had I made it in the sauna. But the shower? Who knows how far the acoustics in the shower would have carried my disclosure statement! Plus I think the art of talking ruins the allure of the shower sex. I guess I could sign it to him, but how many shower tricks know ASL?
I am not judging and I am sure gym sex is hot. God knows I have a few examples on my dvr, but in real life, it's just not for me.
I finally escaped and on my way to work I couldn't help feeling put off by the situation. I don't know what's happening to me. Maybe I would have felt differently if I was approached by Joe Manganiello. Maybe it's just that the gym is just too “sacred” for sex, or maybe I am just becoming a Victorian woman.
I know I said I need to focus on friendships over relationships and sex, but I think I need a date before I start wearing ruffles and skirts no shorter than 1 inch off the ground!