Well, it will soon be here… that’s right, Christmas! A time of joy for some and sadness for others. Let’s face it, for many people, Christmas is not the best time of year. Nevertheless, someone like hypersensitive me will feel the energy in the air and sometimes I can smell Christmas, and I am kinda looking forward to it. And on the HIV calendar we have World AIDS Day coming up; a remembrance of all those who died when it first came out.
So what’s this month’s article about? Well oddly enough, some strange little events took place. I saw a pattern, and the pattern came to me via TV. I know, right – shocking. The pattern was this: three TV shows all about people repeating the same day over and over, until they changed the course of action themselves. How sweet you think. But when it happened three times to me, I jumped up and shouted out, “That’s my next article!”
You see, I’m not normal. Right, another shock and horror, don't raise your eyebrows at me, its true. Since a child I've had this weird thing: I have déjà vu . But not like normal déjà vu. I could sit there and tell you whats going to happen before its done, and be drawn to places to only find what I was looking for or people that I knew but didn’t know at the time. I have flash backs to when I knew them in a different life, and for some reason know enough personal details about people and places even though I didn’t know and hadn’t been there.
Yes spooky, I know, but nevertheless we humans experience this phenomenon a lot, though some more than others. But some of us see the world a little differently and I am, I admit, somewhat spiritually guided. And so, seeing this pattern of groundhog day three times got me thinking.
Now sit still, as I’m going to drag you into my world and there are no exits until I’m done.
We all experience the feeling sometimes, but what if we really are repeating our life here in order to learn from it? I know I am. I remember some of the poor decisions I made in my past life, and so I understand that I am here to change those behaviours. When I was born, I remembered the place where I was. It was white and it was warm and safe, I would come to my mother at a very young age and ask why was I back here again?
She couldn’t answer.
I hated being alive. That’s the truth, I hated it. I wanted to be back in this white place, where I’d been safe. But as I got older and this strange event took place, I realized that I needed to change mistakes I’d made.
I can’t prove what I’m saying, but those who know me well know that I’ve been able to do some amazing and unexplained little things. But I know I wasn’t a good person in my past life and that got me thinking about why this article would maybe benefit you all. I am crazy yes, but there is an aspect where we believe and wish we could change things. We wish we could go back in time and change the bad events that have happened. We wish for a second chance.
I wonder like yourselves for the same thing – odd, coming from someone who believes he's been here before, but what I’ve realized is this: some big, bad events are meant to take place in your life. Its how we deal with them that can change the outcome of your own life.
You see, we all are given countless opportunities to change our lives. Its called LIVING!
Today something bad happens and your life is thrown in a new direction, and this course and new road you’re on is lonely at times and frightening. But the past can teach you how to manage this situation.
You see, with all my beliefs, I don't know how to handle new shit in my life but I’ve learned that I have all the tools around me that I need to help myself. We all have the ability, not to just change our mistakes, but to grow from them. Those mistake will always open up new opportunities in the future, but you have to learn from it, grow from it and sometimes embrace the shit in your life, because your second chance starts the second you realize and see the dust settle. That’s when your second chance begins.
I believe we repeat our lives many times, and with HIV it’s a curse. It’s never a good thing, is it? Is it? Or could a curse be your blessing?
But I always said my HIV was the best thing that happened to me. I sit here now after lecturing as an expert in my field for the first time at Manchester University about drugs and my life with them, because of life experience. I taught students about the psychology behind why people living with HIV sometimes turn to drugs, the isolation and the reality behind the abuse of substances. Why? Because today’s textbooks aren't always accurate.
Today’s society has a lot of pressure, and sometimes isolates us more, and I told them the truth about how I noticed that substances sometimes are the escape people need when coming to terms with their diagnoses. But isn’t it amazing that if it wasn’t for my HIV I wouldn’t be lecturing at such a well known university in England?
And if not for my HIV I also wouldn’t know the most amazing guy that’s in my life at the moment. Yes that’s right, even those whom you love sometimes enter your life because of similar things in common and acceptance.
I believe that in your life (and even in my own life) there is a second chance, a chance to change your life for the better and I believe you repeating your current journey till you realize that you have infinite amounts of opportunity to make your life the way you want it to be no matter what obstacles are thrown your way.
So slow down, take a deep breath, inhale for me. Smell the air around you and remember these words you’re about to read:
The events and situations you’re going through right now can be fixed if you find the simplest of all things, the molecule that holds it together. We forget that no matter how big something is, how big the problem is, what unlocks and fixes it can sometimes be the smallest thing. The molecule. And that molecule could be a change in your attitude, a phone call, believing in yourself, asking for help, or saying good bye. The simplest thing in life sometimes holds the greatest value.
So my friends, don’t forget, that you do have what it takes to change your life. Not to go back in time, but to embrace your future and make it the happiest you want it to be.