Going the distance

Published 25, Sep, 2017
Author // Wayne Bristow - Positive Life

Wayne Bristow on long distance romance: " I can choose to be alone or I can trust this, try to make it work and be happy. I'm already happier."

Going the distance

It may be long distance but I’ve met someone I feel so much closer to than some of the people around me.

They say there is someone out there for everyone. And they say love will find you when you least expect it. The only problem with that rhetoric is, they say it like the person is right down the street from me or close by.

At last count, and according to what I’ve found online, there are more than 7.5 billion humans on the planet, so where is mine and what in the hell am I doing wrong?

If I were to ask my friends and family, they would say, “You won’t find anyone real online, it’s all a scam.” And if I were to meet someone, I must let them meet him because “there are so many undesirables out there."

No matter who I might bring home I could be told, “You could do better”, “You deserve the best” and then read me the riot act on of my choice of men.

They tell me I’m such a nice guy and go on and on to assure me that I have all these virtuous qualities. But one very obvious thing I’ve noticed, they never introduce me to their other single friends. So, if one of them were to want to meet me, what are they telling those friends about me?

A couple weeks ago I was contacted by a gentleman from the United States and we chatted about some of the problems of meeting people online. I mentioned to him that I was getting to know someone in the Philippines and he seemed to be a really great guy. Then this guy says to me, “What’s wrong with men from North America – Canada and the U.S.?'

To which I responded, “Good question."

I came out at 37 and have been single most of these years, only dating a few times for a month here and there. Why? In most cases, after a couple weeks or months I would hear, “I’m not sure this is what I really want right now” and I would find out they were with someone else within hours of leaving. Some people I’ve met have come out of a relationship and don’t want to go back into another one. Some are just looking for younger, or they are in an open relationship and looking to spice it up with a third or fourth. So - you can see how one can be played just as much with people right here.

"Why do people distrust someone across the planet so readily? I submit again, to the best of my knowledge there are close to 7.5 billion people on the planet, we are all here for a reason and we can’t label everyone as a scammer."

I’m not going to go too far into online dating or hookup sites, I’m sure we all have our horror stories. The only thing I would like to say is it’s very hard to trust someone you’ve met on several sites when he tells you he is looking for long term. If you think they delete their profile when they meet you, then you need to go and check. It’s easy to deactivate your account or appear invisible in some but it is just as easy to reactivate it too.

So it is possible that the person meant for me doesn’t live down the street, or in my town or in my country and no one can tell me differently. As soon as I tell someone that I am chatting and getting to know someone in another country, their first response is, “Oh, be careful”.

I truly appreciate their concern but some of them are people I’ve met through online social situations. One concerned person is someone I met after I sent him an email one day in 2011, complimenting him on his work. He replied telling me he had followed some of my blog writing and eventually he asked me to write for PositiveLite. His name - Bob Leahy, now a good friend and co-worker.

Why do people distrust someone across the planet so readily? I submit again, to the best of my knowledge there are close to 7.5 billion people on the planet, we are all here for a reason and we can’t label everyone as a scammer. There have got to be others like me, someone looking for that one person that was meant just for them. Did I find the person meant for me and did he find me?

I have been scammed before, and others try to scam me on a weekly basis. The American I mentioned earlier tried to actually bully me into believing I was being scammed and that he would be a better choice. I am aware of the routine, this is not my first rodeo. I look for and I will see the red flags. And I will find the good people too. I did everything to examine this to see if it was a scam, if it could be. I had to accept that this is real, it really is.

What we are looking at has it’s complications, we have admitted that to ourselves and each other. It isn’t the most ideal situation but I’ve been alone a while now, I’m used to waiting. We are facing the fact that if one of us were to move to the other’s country, how would we secure healthcare and our medications? It would be so much easier if we didn’t have the virus. And it would be easier if we were a straight hetero couple. Right now I actually found a reason to hate having HIV.

This is something people reading this may need to consider. Another country isn’t going to welcome you AND your health concerns freely. There is a right way to do this but there is no easy way. I try to remain positive but I have questioned myself a few times.

It isn’t easy being older, gay and living with HIV in 2017 with so much emphasis on having to be the perfect person or you’re not acceptable. Living with phobias, shaming and stigma, how do you attract someone? With nothing like this happening over all these years, I should be experienced enough to know what is real and what is more of the same. I can choose to be alone or I can trust this, try to make it work and be happy. I’m already happier. I’m not implying I need someone to be whole or happy, it would just be better to share a life with someone else.

Nothing in life is guaranteed but I’ll wait this out. I’ve got time.

About the Author

Wayne Bristow - Positive Life

Wayne Bristow - Positive Life

I'm a poz guy, diagnosed HIV+ in 2003. I've been blogging here at PositiveLite.com since March 20th, 2011. I am a self-taught social media junkie doing facebook and twitter. I'm a great retweeter.  About four years ago I was asked to take on the position of Social Media Coordinator for PositiveLite. My other online presence is as an administrator for the HIVDisclosureProject.ca

I volunteer at two ASOs (AIDS Service Organization) in my area: ARCH (HIV/AIDS Resources & Community Health) in Guelph Ontario and ACCKWA (AIDS Committee of Cambridge Kitchener Waterloo and Area). I work as a PRA (Peer Research Associate) for the OHTN (Ontario HIV Treatment Network). In my spare time I am a hobby photographer; some of my photos may show up in my blog. 

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