It's been one strange winter here in the Great White North. The city I live in, I'd have to say we've only had about 20 - 25 inches of snow all winter, at least that's what it seems like to me. Normally we could get that much in a couple of days. I think its safe to say we've had more rainfall than snow. Having a lot of rain and it being so cold, it hasn't been ideal weather to get out and do much photography.

You might remember me writing about falling and hurting my shoulder, I slipped on a muddy trail, not ice. It's been more than two months and the dang thing hasn't healed completely yet. I'm guessing older bones take longer to heal, yeah, I'll go with that.

I had to say goodbye to one of my photography friends, the gentleman from China. He went home in early January. I told him to keep taking pictures, make time for it. Life there for him is so busy, he told me there isn't much time for recreation. I've only heard from him once and he did send some pictures he took. I was able to meet a few other hobby photographers in my area when I was brave enough to get out, and they were also on flickr.com as well so its easier to stay in touch.

Through these guys, I've found out that we have coyotes in our area now and right in the downtown area. My city has grown a lot in the last 10 years with communters from Toronto; they are building in to and around the natural habitats for most of the wildlife. Other towns are becoming closer, there is no place for these wild animals to go except into towns and the cities looking for food.

Also spotted in the area are an American Bald Eagle, Red-tailed Hawks, owls, mink, beaver, foxes and of course deer. I think I have to get out more now, I just wish I was still able to drive.

In the pictures I have included here you will be able to take a flight or a stroll with the Canada Geese, sail the skies with the urban seagull. There are male and female Mallard ducks, my favourite, the male Hooded Merganser, a female common merganser on the log, a Pintail duck, a male woodpecker, the upside down Nuthatch, a grey Junko, a couple of morning doves, a finch and my all time favourite bird, the male Cardinal.

 

It’s noon, I just finished having my breakfast!. Usually I have a banana and a bowl of cold cereal, I use the left over milk in the bowl to take some supplements. As I reach for the supplements and what do I see, my HIV medications and I realize I haven't taken them yet. This is nothing new for me, it happens often, maybe too often.

A typical morning starts this way: I wake up, head upstairs to start the morning coffee. I go to the fridge for the coffee and, if I remember, I get one of my medications, one that has to be refrigerated. I'll put it in my pocket. I finish making the coffee and then head back downstairs. Most days I will remember the pill is in my pocket but some days, I'll find it there several hours later. There was this one time when I never remembered until late in the evening so I thought I would switch the time I take them to before bed, this might be the solution for me. The med that needs to be refrigerated is a booster for one of the other pills so it seemed to be re-energizing me.  I never felt sleepy when midnight or 1 a.m. rolled around; I’d be awake until three or four in the morning.

I know it’s important for me to take the medications at the same time every day. My doctor had me complete a survey to see if I was ready and totally committed to taking them correctly. At the time I started them, the rule to follow was if the CD4 count went down to 350 I would have to start medications. We did one final test to see if they were going to go down further and they did -  I had gone down to 330. I was beginning to experience some physical health issues, so I had to leave my job. Some of it was due to side effects from the meds but I had some other issues that weren't allowing me to function well, especially first thing in the morning.

That was back in July 2010; it’s been a year and a half now. Yesterday I had to ask what day it was, Monday or Tuesday? This not working and being able to sleep in has made it impossible to set up a schedule and adhere to it. There are nights still where I can't sleep until about 3 or 4 in the morning; when I finally do fall sleep it might only be for 3 hours, sometimes 6 hours, it depends. I thought of setting the clock and waking up at the set time, take the meds and go back to bed if I could or felt I needed more sleep. The problem I had with that was remembering to set the alarm before bed.

As for my counts, well, they haven't bounced back very high. One recent test they were at 380 and then back down to 350 on the next  one, so all I seem to be doing is "hangin' in there baby". This would explain my lack of energy and becoming very lazy, resulting in yet another few pounds on the old body. Factor in this strange winter weather, a lot of grey days and rain and I just don't feel motivated to go out, not even for my favourite hobby, photography.

Oh, what to do? I think I will have to buckle down and treat the taking of my meds as a job, set that clock every night, wake up and do the job and get on with my day. I believe if I do this, my counts will climb higher, at least I hope they do.

For more information on the Importance of treatment adherence, check out this on CATIE.

Editors Note:  Another recommended site for treatment adherence ideas is that of pharmacist Bill Larson, here. Watch for a seriies of guest posts from Bill on this topic on PositiveLite.com soon.

 

Have you ever heard the phrase, "one hand doesn't know what the other hand is doing"? No, this isn't going to be another masturbation blog. It isn't based on the real meaning of the phrase either, instead, my one hand had to learn how to do what the other hand normally did.

A week ago I had gone out with a friend for breakfast. As I got in the car he asked where my camera was. I am rarely seen without my backpack and cameras but lately, it’s been so wet or cold, for some reason this year I haven't had the same need to be out there. It’s winter here but there hasn't been much snow this year, just a lot of rain and it isn't good to be wet when the weather is this cold.

However, this particular day, it felt almost like spring. The sun came out so when I was dropped off, I got the camera and headed out. Well, I was walking along the river downtown and thought I'd go down this embankment to the edge of the water. Wrong decision. The trail was a little muddy and I didn't have much tread on the shoes I was wearing, I fell. I landed on my right shoulder and I could hear the crunching as I landed. Slowly it got sore and then got unbearable, I couldn't move it much without a lot of pain.

I pulled out my phone and called a family member to come and get me and take me to the hospital. I could sense the feeling of, "what did you do now"? Ummm, this isn't a common thing, I don't have many accidents.

It turned out it wasn't as serious as I had thought, just a slight separation of the collarbone and nothing broken. It sure is taking its time getting better. I have broken the left side collarbone twice and had the rotator cuff repaired before. I am right handed so this has been quite the opposite experience. Most things, I now had to do with my left hand, I won't list them all here but you can probably guess what the list would include. Raising my arm isn't that easy still, so I haven't been doing much typing on the computer, just clicking and reading things. Luckily for me, this isn't a world where you do much writing anymore.

I was explaining to Bob, my editor here on PositiveLite.com, that I may not get anything in to him for a while, I was on the injury list. He just told me to take it easy and send something when I could. He asked if I had taken anything interesting lately so I thought of doing this as a new blog posting, another one with some of my photos. These have been taken during the fall and some were taken in December and January. The one of the concrete carving of the head with a smoke in it, its the most viewed one on my flickr.com page. I put it out on twitter and it really drew attention, The last count I saw was 256 views, Most of my pics only get 20 or 30. It could be because I named the picture "Stoned". Hmmm!

I really want this shoulder to heal:  I want to get out and get back to my hobby.

More of my photos can be found here.

PositiveLite.com readers may recall that our John McCullagh gave a glowing review of this movie last month.That review is here. We Were Here airs November 29 at 7pm at Guelph Public Library. It's free but donations for the AIDS Committee of Guelph’s Holiday Hamper program that benefits people living with HIV  are accepted at the door. Details below.

I mentioned in my bio for this blog that I am an atheist. Why is that relevant to mention?

In addition to being a part of our identity, I think our religious (or secular) orientation guides how we interpret what is happening around us and how we deal with stressful events. For religious people, there are often clear ceremonies or rituals to be used in time of worry or grief, such as prayer. But what do you do if you’re an atheist?

In a recent speech on health-promotion, an HIV specialist told us, “if you don’t already have a higher power, I highly recommend that you find one.” Like most atheists, I’m tired of hearing from religious people that I ought to be religious too. But her point was an important one, and that is, a spiritual orientation helps us to feel like we have meaning and purpose in our lives and provides us with a connection to something bigger; it’s a component of emotional and mental wellness. I have learned though, that deities need not apply when it comes to my own wellness. I can find the connections, the meaning and purpose I need for without looking to the super-natural. I think this is a personal process, and I hesitate to tell anyone what to do in this regard. I will say that for me, this process has involved mindfulness (practicing being present,) meditation and yoga, spending time in nature, marvelling at the awesomeness of our universe - just as it is - and focusing on each of our ability to make have an impact, right here, today, as well as the lasting imprint of that impact.

To other atheists, I would say, seek out things that make you feel grounded and connected to the world and spend time reflecting on what is important to you. Spirituality doesn’t have to look like what you’ve always been told spirituality should look like, and it doesn’t have to take place in a mosque or church or temple. Spirituality can be found in nature with a camera, or in a paintbrush and canvas, or in the process of reflecting on what is important to you and what you want to produce or give back to the world. Yoga and meditation, although sometimes affiliated with religious beliefs, are non-religious practices, accessible to anyone. In particular, you may want to check out the metta meditation practice (loving-kindness practice), which focuses on cultivating compassion, and which I think may satisfy the non-religious person’s desire for prayer.

I wrote another post last year about preventing compassion fatigue and included ways of finding yoga & meditation in the community that is free and/or affordable, which you can find here.