Jan27
Is it me or is it HIV?
Denis Robinson: “I guess I am not the only one of us who wonders the same. But my list of aches and pains and worries seems to be growing at an alarming rate.”
Sorry to have been away for a while. Once again Bob had to prompt me to file this.I made no excuses this time. I just explained that part of what I have decided to call this year (see last post) has taken off with a bang. Unfortunately I am still celibate but the achieving part has been crazy. I have had three days off since I started back to work after the Christmas break and some of those working days have been eighteen hours long. So I really have been neglecting writing anything other than tweets and even that I have let slide a little.
Anyway back to the article, I guess I am not the only one of us who wonders the same. But my list of aches and pains and worries seems to be growing at an alarming rate.
Eyesight: Failing, my prescription has multiplied by 200% in 10 months. I am now at the stage (waiting for the frames I want next to be released onto the market) where at work I have to ask people to double check the small print of products and tools before I use them. (As a hairdresser it’s important I actually use the correct colour.)
Hearing: having always had problems with this in one ear, it seems to be getting worse by the day. The men in my family have all had problem-hearing. My father was deaf, although at times we were all convinced it was selective deafness. My brother had a number of operations on one ear while still a young boy. His son has worn hearing aids from childhood. And now it seems to be my turn. I am sure that everyone I work and socialise with is getting tired of me asking him or her to speak up. And at times I give up and just nod. Again in work this can cause a problem when I think they said cut three inches off and they only wanted a trim,
Add in a 20 year untreatable case of tinnitus and you can imagine how frustrating this is. One of the consultants who looks after me on my clinical trial is very soft-spoken and has a habit of covering her mouth when talking and it was on a recent visit I realised how much I have come to rely on lip reading, and I will admit to losing my temper and shouting at her to be more considerate on my last visit.
Insomnia: again a long term ailment of mine, which seems to have been exacerbated since starting medication 12 months ago. My consultant assures me there are no known links between the medication I take and sleep disruption. But it is serious enough that I have been prescribed zopiclone and have been referred to a sleep clinic. It has been suggested that insomnia of the levels I suffer is usually a psychological issue. And it has escalated hugely since my psycho dynamic therapy concluded. Which would lead both my doctor and I to guess that there is some underlying issue that I failed to deal with during that time. And the fact that most of my very vivid dreams are work-related would give rise to the fact I am concerned about my career, which has definitely been the case and continues to be the case for many self employed service providers in the difficult climate we live in.
Skin problems: oddly it wasn’t until I was about to go on medication that I was told that people with HIV are prone to dryer than usual skin. I have always been diligent in looking after my skin and my health and beauty regime is one of the reasons I think I look pretty good for my age. And when you add in my ten weekly trips to Harley Street to see my face guy for a botox top up, I have largely avoided any problems. Until recently that is. Now there are days I look like one of the characters from the original series of V. And some mornings it seems like my face is going to fall off
So you are probably wondering why I don’t make an appointment with one of my many doctors and discuss all these concerns? Well it seems that the last of my list of ailments is my decreasing levels of memory. Once upon a time I never even had to take notes in meetings as my memory was a phenomena. Now I have to ask people to speak up a little and slow down so I can write everything down and then get someone to check what I have written to ensure I got the gist.
But ultimately I guess that its more to do with encroaching middle age - and we all suffer a certain degeneration at the grand old age of 43!
- Tags: AIDS, HIV, HIV and aging, HIV+ HIV-positive, personal stories of people with HIV, PositiveLite_com
About the Author
Denis Robinson - London, UK Correspondent
My name is Denis Robinson. I have been living with, and learning to understand, HIV since August 1st 2007. It hasn't always been the easiest of relationships, but with time we have come to an agreement. I make accommodations for it and it allows me to live my life as I see fit. At the ripe old age of 43 I like to think I have lived Half a Lifetime. And what a half it's been.
I have been very fortunate to have a fabulous life so far, with the exception of a couple of years learning to accept my new reality. But I now look forward with excitement to everything in front of me, having learned oh so many lessons from the past. Born and raised in Belfast, Northern Ireland, I visited London in 1988 for a 3-month working holiday, and never went home.
After 23 years I think my mother has finally accepted that I am here to stay. I am fortunate to live my life as an openly gay and openly poz man. i hope that my posts give you an insight into ME and my journey. And feel free to check out my other blog Half a Lifetime.
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