Tasting Toronto

Part Eight found Scott back home in the Caribbean.  You can read that episode here. 

Since I was newly single and ‘going to die soon’ and my co-workers were sure that I was gay, I decided to party hard and have a good time. There was one gay bar that wasn’t publicly gay and in a somewhat hidden venue. I went a couple times and soon found out that it wasn’t for me. It was shut down one time by police officers while I was there and they requested to see the ID cards of all the patrons. The paranoia was still there since I had an uncle in the police force so that was enough to kill my disco fever.

I decided to check out a straight bar some time after that incident with a couple of gay friends I made. Turns out it wasn’t a good idea either. Some guys began throwing ice at us chanting “fire bun batty man”. It was probably because one of my friends was a bit effeminate. The bouncer didn’t do a thing to help us and it pissed me off big time. So I went to the police station to make a report. The police laughed at us and said that we deserved it, looking like that and that they couldn’t do anything. They didn’t even pretend to take the report.

I decided that the partying thing wasn’t going to work. I had vacation coming up and I wanted to go someplace where I can be as gay as I want. After some research I decided on Toronto because of its active and liberal gay movement. I visited with my godfather that year who’s also gay and had a blast. He recommended that I come for gay pride and I did.

It was out of this world. My will to live was now my annual two week vacation where I could go somewhere that no one knows me and just be me.

Back at work I finally got a transfer to a different location. I was tired of all the moving around on account of my sexuality but it was necessary to cope with the trauma of being discovered. But the pattern of being discovered followed me to the new branch. I guess I wasn’t very good at being on the ‘down low’. My new manager was a male this time. He told me that some people were uncomfortable around me because they thought that I was gay. One employee even went as far as to complain to human resources saying that I was giving my manager sexual favours for preferential treatment! Ashamed and bruised, it was time for another vacation.

I flew into to Toronto once again for the Pride week celebrations. I went to the pride flag raising ceremony at city hall where I met a guy. He was gorgeous and seemed like a nice guy. We spent the day together walking around downtown. We stopped at Allan Gardens to have a rest. While talking, he disclosed to me that he was HIV-positive. Talk about shock! I wanted very much to say “me too!” but I had never told anyone other than the doctor I saw at home, so it was hard. After a week or so, most of which time I spent with him, I had to leave and I decided to tell him the truth about my health and also tell him that I was on vacation and going back home. That was a detail I deliberately omitted when we met out of fear that he’d opt not to see me again.

His reaction wasn’t what I expected. He was shocked but not upset. He was sad and concerned about me. He then asked me if I had ever heard that Canada helps people like me who are being treated unfairly in their own country. I had no clue about the process. He told me that he’d do some research and send me some links to places that can help. And for the first time in a long time, I was able to anticipate an end to my suffering.

Please stay tuned for the final instalment of my journey where I arrive in Canada and how I adjust to live as a refugee.