This article by  Paul Aguirre-Livingston  first appeared in The GridTO.  Republished with permission.  

This year marks the 31st anniversary of the HIV/AIDS pandemic. The issue, we know, is multi-dimensional and complicated. Even within my lifetime, the way we talk about it has changed from fear and self-loathing (riddled with homophobia) to far-reaching global advocacy tinged with optimistic complacency. On Saturday night, the Canadian Foundation for AIDS Research (CANFAR) dispatched its Young Professional Council to Airship 37 to host the second annual Our Future Without AIDS fundraiser. The volunteer-based organization was created in 2010 to bridge the gap between seasoned donors and the impressionable, to remind us why we need to keep talking about this, even if it means appealing to the pleasure principle of partying.

“Do you wanna go to the art room and be, like, classy?” asked one guy as he whizzed past us in the drink ticket line. With the event held in a stark white hangar, the young and the philanthropic gathered for modest amusement. Red lanterns were strung from above, with light to match; a good-times vibe all around. It was a fundraising initiative, and a damn good one at that, helmed by a multimedia-art silent auction. (With works starting at $10 and maxing out around $400, the auction would have been especially ideal for first-time buyers. And yet it was a shame to see so few red dots.) All the revelry was accented with photo-booth funz, a cupcake and cookie station, Parts & Labour catering, and a Sade tune or two. (Oh, is that Rick Mercer?) And drinks—another white wine, please—to cushion the reality of what we’re all fighting for: hope.

I regret to wonder how many people in that room whom I know to be straight (or those whom I will unflinchingly assume to identify as so, due to overheard complaints from all the single straight girls about the lack of “hot guys”) have actually had real intersections with experiences surrounding HIV/AIDS. How many of them have had the virus knowingly coursing through the veins of a partner next to them? Or held their friend’s hand after a former partner had finally disclosed to them, after numerous encounters, that he was, in fact, HIV positive? Or worried themselves sick in an anonymous clinic waiting room because what if I contracted the virus and how could I have been so careless? How many of them have actually been tested? Maybe that’s not important. But, also, it is. And regardless of motive and experience, showing up and showing support is indisputably invaluable.

That night alone, it was estimated 1,125 people would die from AIDS. I feel guilty because I keep thinking this is a fashion event and just… thank someone for the signs, for writing the statistics on the walls and flashing them on flat screen televisions: There are 34 million people living with HIV worldwide, and 65,000 of them are in Canada. Still, you can buy a $20 cake pop—or seven—and win a big grand prize. It’s about fundraising, so that’s okay, even if the empty donation cans serve as mere table decorations. And it’s also okay if all you want to do is cry. Cry for the man who cried with you because he couldn’t live with himself if he put you at risk. Cry for those who are having sex right this second because four people under the age of 25 become HIV-positive every minute. Cry because more twentysomethings show up to a condo opening than to this thing.

But what’s the right way to talk about HIV and how do we keep talking about it effectively? What are the issues that surround the realities in a time when, yes, 65,000 Canadians are living with HIV… but how many of those are new infections and how many of those are individuals living longer? It took years to remove the various stigmas from my own thoughts. During my formative online jaunts, I would instantly block/ignore someone who, upon my inquiry, didn’t hesitate to honestly disclose. Somewhere along the way, I changed the way I looked at the situation: What if it was the reverse? Would I want to be loved or feared? Hated or pitied? My fear turned into questions; my questions reinforced the need to be informed and protected. To get tested regularly. To not use infection as yet another reason to divide us.

But when half of our grade nine students incorrectly believe there is a cure for AIDS, are government sexual-education programs failing the very generation CANFAR hopes to reach? Are we sending the right messages when condomless (“bareback”) porn is on the rise? Or are we being hypocrites? And yet one must ultimately account for an element of personal choice and consequence (if it’s laced with honesty), and pass up ascending to a moral high ground. Fact is, there are still glaring holes in the messages sent to men who have sex with men, especially those who might not even identify as gay (those married or on the DL, for example).

Make no mistake: There is no gay/straight divide when it comes to HIV/AIDS. We are all affected. But while the virus may not discriminate, we are not equal. Gay men are still at the highest risk, and that needs to be addressed. Perhaps the way I feel most strongly connected to a proverbial gay ancestry is through the crisis. The epidemic. The fear. The truth. The fact that I’ve been ignorant and unfair and unsure. I’m not shy about admitting that I’m human, that I’m animal. That I’ve been young, and naïve, and made mistakes. That I’ve been repentant. And scared. That I’ve judged and been judged. That I’ve prayed. That I have had unprotected sex a grand total of two times in 12 years and was publicly shamed for admitting so and accused of sending the wrong messages. But no, I’m not stupid. And that’s why we need to remove any sort of lingering feelings of humiliation, and why organizations like CANFAR continue to encourage such discourse.

 Are you still listening?

“You can’t imagine,” says Mark Mahoney, the chair of CANFAR’s Young Professional Council, when he explains that the night will blow their initial goal to raise $40,000 “out of the water.” He’s right. You probably can’t imagine. Medical advancements have shielded me—and the majority of the younger, privileged gay community—from the reality of actually saying goodbye to our friends in rapid succession. But it hasn’t made us immune. And for that, we need to be cognizant. And when you imagine it—because, especially if you’re gay and young and horny and sexually active, you will—let me tell you: The psychological effects will linger. Those thoughts will unwillingly live within the partners you surround yourself with, and reside in the corners of a community that’s more incestuous than we’d all like to admit. Because I remember the message from day one. Because the questions lasts longer than a 30-minute episode of Girls and run deeper than any and every fucking Google search for “the stuff that gets up around the sides of condoms.” (Kudos, though, on condoms.) And just because there is little risk, doesn’t mean there is no risk. And you can do everything in your goddamn power to be as safe as you possibly can, but even then…?

By half past midnight, the mood lightens. People have shown up, bought art. Donated. Gotten drunk. Grabbed free condoms (but why no lube?). Some may rest assured that they’ve done their part for another year, or at least until World AIDS Day in December. Drake and Rihanna’s “Take Care” fills the ever-expanding white space in between: “I’ve loved, and I’ve lost,” is the last thing I hear before wandering back out into the darkness.

Donations to support HIV and AIDS research can be made on CANFAR’s official website.

Contact Paul on Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/pliving) and/or his personal website (http://pliving.me).

 

Café Scientifique*: HIV and Aging for Men with HIV

When: Tuesday May 8, 6:30-9:00pm

Where: Fuzion Resto-Lounge 580 Church Street Toronto, ON

Who: RSVP This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. 416 642 6486 x2303

Description: They say things get better with age. What does aging with HIV mean for men? What can we learn from people with experience aging with HIV?

What are some of the best resources available to you?

Join us in an informal, relaxed environment to share your views and stories with friends, peers and community. Chat with our speakers. Be part of a moderated conversation.

Refreshments will be provided. Space is limited. Reserve your space now!

SPEAKERS

• David J. Brennan, M.S.W., Ph.D. Assistant Professor, University of Toronto
• Lori Chambers, M.S.W.Research Coordinator, OHTN
• Duncan MacLachlan AIDS Committee of Toronto
• Kelly O’Brien, BScPT, BSc, Ph.D.Assistant Professor, University of Toronto
• Yvette Perreault AIDS Bereavement and Resiliency Program of Ontario
• Ron Rosenes Canadian Treatment Action Council
• Francisco Ibáñez-Carrasco, Ph.D. (Moderator)Universities Without Walls

Sponsored by OHTN and CIHR

* What’s a Café Scientifique?

The Café Scientifique program is made up of informal events, not lectures between the general public and health research experts regarding a particular health-related issue of popular interest. CIHR's Café Scientifiques cover a wide range of topics, from nutrition to mental health at the workplace to air pollution.

For that reason, these events are all about accessibility. CIHR Café Scientifiques take place at a café, a pub or a restaurant and do not require that the participants have a science degree. The informal conversations about a particular health subject may provide answers to any questions that are on the minds of Canada's general population.

CIHR Cafés start with the help of a moderator, who introduces the subject of discussion and is also a specialist in the field. Following the instruction, expert speakers each give a short presentation about what they know regarding the subject. While they are allowed to bring props along that highlight their presentation, these speakers must avoid technical jargon and are not allowed to have scientific slides.

A short break follows, which includes food/drink. The moderator then introduces a question/answer period between the audience and the speakers. 

 

The AIDS Committee of Ottawa has done a soft release of their 2012 campaign this month, with a hard release planned to coincide with the International Day Against Homophobia on May 17th. The campaign, which explores how blatant and internalized homophobia, racism, transphobia, and heteronormativity adversely impact the health and well-being of Ottawa’s queer community, was created to help draw links between systemic issues and health outcomes. Like two sides of a coin, one campaign specifically addresses heterosexual men and women, while the second campaign, inspired by the Douche Bags of Grindr website and the debate triggered by the publishing of Toronto’s The Grids’ Newspaper cover story ‘The Dawn Of A New Gay’, specifically addresses homosexual men. 

On Thursday, May 10th at 6pm, Gay Zone (420 Cooper Street) will host a strategy session around disseminating the cards for International Day Against Homophobia and is seeking volunteers interested in handing them out as part of a Radical Queer Flashmob. Friends and allies of Ottawa’s queer community are more than welcome to take part and no RSVP is necessary. Light snacks and refreshments will be served.

To request copies of the campaign, you can e-mail the AIDS Committee of Ottawa at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or write to them at ACO, 251 Bank Street, Suite 700, Ottawa, ON, K2P 1X3

The Committee for Accessible AIDS Treatment is actively recruiting community leaders from East or Southeast Asian,  African, Caribbean, South Asian, or Latino/Spanish communities in GTA to address HIV Stigma! The Canadian Institute for Health Research (CIHR) funded research study is called CHAMP: Community Champions HIV/AIDS  Advocate Mobilization Project.   The research study is offering  two innovative training programs: Acceptance Commitment Therapy and Social Justice Capacity Building.  The research study is seeking PHAS and people affected by HIV/AIDS.  For more information  contact Henry at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.    Training starting in April 2012.  Space is limited! 

CHAMP staff Principal Investigator Josephine Wong and Research Coordinator Henry Luyomba was recently interviewed on CTV. That interview appears below.

More information is  available here. http://www.facebook.com/hivimmigration and www.hivimmigration.ca

 

 

ACT Community Health Forum
HIV AND THE EFFECTS OF OTHER CONDITIONS

Wednesday February 15th.  2012   7-9pm.

Eastern time also via web cast: www.actornto.org/forum

Ramada Plaza Hotel. 300 Jarvis Street
Toronto

 

You can read part one here. 

A Roadie is a person who volunteers their time for a full week of AIDS/LifeCycle working on the event.  Roadies are selfless, dedicated and unbelievably committed as they all volunteer to work the AIDS/LifeCycle.  For 7 days, these folks dedicate their time, energy and hearts to waking up very early, going to sleep very late and being in charge of pretty much all the work that happens on the event.  This includes, but it’s definitely not limited to, setting up and breaking down campsites and rest stops, serving meals, pouring water, making electrolyte drinks, picking up trash, parking bicycles, fixing bicycles, picking up exhausted riders, wrapping sore knees, giving massages, leading cheers, giving directions, hanging signs, making the route, and just about anything else you can think of.  In addition to all this work, Roadies are known for giving hugs, making you laugh, and generally keeping you on your toes.

The food service team was filled with all types of people.  We had a fashion designer who was a rider that was hurt and placed on the team at orientation day, a grandmother and granddaughter, loving mothers, past riders, veteran roadies, friends, a high school teacher, a musician,  a baker, a comedian, personal trainer, just to name a few.  Each Roadie team has their own theme for each day of the ride, this allows the Roadies to have some fun and to make a long day of cycling start and end with a laugh and smile for the riders.  The food service team themes for last year were fun.

The breakfast theme was the same every morning while we were serving breakfast. The theme was Pajama Party.  That’s right we got to wear our PJ’s.  Some wore their bathrobes, hair curlers and kimonos as well.  Some of the other themes were as follows.

Night 1 – Birth Place Night - This allowed us an opportunity to celebrate where we were born.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have anything for this night so I wore a baseball hat and a hoodie.

Night 2 – Rainbow/Crayola Night - The riders were riding 100 miles on this day.  The only thing we were told that we couldn’t wear was rainbow boas because the feathers get in the food.  So, I wore my red Positive Pedalers t-shirt and my rainbow suspenders.  I think I got the kid size because they kept pulling my shorts up to heights that were really uncomfortable.  I started to look and feel like I was the white Steve Urkel.

Night 3 – Dessert Night – I was amazed by some of these costumes and the detail these people put into them.  One of the team members dressed up as an ice cream cone and passed out cherry stickers.

Night 4 – Pet/Favorite Animal Night – This had to be one of my favorite night themes, I wore a monkey on my head. There was also a unicorn, a butterfly, a cat, Roadie-kill, people with shirts of their pets, etc.  It was a time to let out our inner animal self and so we did.

I should discuss Day 5 -- Red Dress Day.  The true name is Dress in Red Day. However, leave it to a bunch of gay men to turn it into Red Dress Day.  This is a very fun day for the entire camp.  My red dress costume was a long Mexican inspired dress with a Dora the Explorer piñata as a headdress.  After breakfast we gathered for a team photo on the playground of the Santa Maria campground.

Night 5 – Circus Night – There were clowns, a lion tamer, a ringmaster, and a magician’s apprentice.

Night 6 – Movie Night – We were in Santa Barbara and since we are so close to Hollywood we might as well celebrate Tinsel town.  Team members dressed up in their Hollywood attire.  There was Max from Where The Wild Things Are, Ari Gold from Entourage, a film director, Star Trek personnel, Austin Powers dancers, a cowboy, The Pink Ladies from Grease, to name a few and we even had someone dress up as a concession stand with all sorts of candy hanging off his body.  Myself, I was able to finally take my long walk down the red carpet to the blinding flashes of the paparazzi.

Not only was it the last night for the ride, it was the last time we would be serving dinner on the ride.  On the last night after dinner when it started to get dark it was time for the Candlelight Vigil on the shore of Venture Beach.  Up to 3,000 people created a massive rectangle of silent reverence for those lost and those suffering.  This was a very sobering experience and after it was over you walk up to the water to put your candle out in the waves.  In my case the candle wouldn’t go out so I kept trying to catch the waves after about the third time I stumbled and stepped into the ocean at the same time the wave came up and soaked me from the shin down.  I took off my shoes and socks and walked the beach in my bare feet back to my tent.

On day 7 we arrived in Los Angles to a crowd of people cheering as the riders were making it into the city.  At the closing ceremonies the guest speaker was the wonderful actress Jane Lynch, whom incidentally is a past rider.  We were told that the AIDS/LifeCycle 10 broke all fundraising goals.  Riders, Roadies, and Staff raised over 13 million dollars to help benefit the San Francisco AIDS foundation and the LA Gay and Lesbian center to fight HIV/AIDS.

After the ride was over and I was on my way back home to Louisville, I was a changed man.  The ride not only made me feel part of a larger community; it made me realize that I am just a part of a much larger world.  It’s very humbling. The world does not revolve around me, and there was still so much love in the world despite what the news says.  It gave me the chance to meet some amazing people and renewed my belief in human kindness.

I enjoy getting to meet new people and hearing the many stories they want to share.  But most of all I enjoy the opportunities of helping others.  Even in the most difficult of situations, being able to help someone and seeing the smile on their face is amazing.  I wanted to share this story so that you will get a glimpse into what the AIDS/LifeCycle is like if you decided to join.  Each person’s experience is and will be different but one thing is for sure; you will be changed for the better.

I am extremely excited for ALC this year.  My partner, Scott, has signed up and will be part of the food service team.  I will be able to share something that means a lot to me with him.  As I close this story I want to leave you with words of inspiration from last year’s AIDS/LifeCycle.  “Life is too short to wake up with regrets.  Believe everything happens for a reason.  If you get a chance, take it.  If it changes your life, let.  Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.  Applaud yourself.”  The Chicken Lady, ALC10.