I first heard about this group from PositiveLite.com publisher John McCullagh in a post he wrote, which you can read here, where he interviewed Jody Jollimore, the program manager at the Health Initiative for Men (HIM), a gay men’s health organization in Vancouver, and Rui Pires, Gay Men’s Community Education Coordinator at AIDS Committee of Toronto (ACT). Both leaders described it as a leadership program for young gay men where we can learn about love, life, sexuality, sexual health and how we can apply this knowledge in our community.     

Intriguing, I thought, so I might as well register. I soon received an email advising me of the program schedule. We were set to meet for four full-day Saturday sessions. I wasn’t too sure about giving up my Saturdays for four consecutive weeks but I figured that I should check it out and see how I felt after the first session. 

Not knowing what to expect, I approached the first session with a hint of caution. The lay out of the room was well done and I was greeted warmly by the facilitator Rui Pires. I was overcome with a bout of absolute shyness at first as we went around the table giving brief introductions about ourselves and what we hoped to get out of the group. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that I wasn’t the only one hoping to learn how to connect with other gay guys outside of the bar setting with no pressure to get sexual. 

After our intro’s Rui told us a bit about himself and the work he has done with the gay/HIV community. It was safe to assume that we were in good hands. We then launched into an interactive workshop on coming out. We gathered around the room in the order of who was out the longest and we each shared a little about our coming out process. This exercise was enlightening and the stories were amazingly diverse.  Rui then gave some tips on coming out and being supportive to others who are coming or thinking of coming out. 

Throughout the duration of the program we had the opportunity of hearing from various community leaders ranging from health and mental health professionals to community activists. We also got to learn about the dynamics of different types of gay relationships. And there are quite a few that I wasn’t aware of! We got first hand testimony about the importance of getting involved in different aspects of the community, like the fight against HIV. We even had a crash course on flirting and cursing! 

So without giving too much away about the program, I would strongly recommend it to anyone between the ages of 18-26 who wants to learn about the gay community and the issues that affect us, as well as develop great communication and leadership skills. Above all it’s a safe space where guys can come to have fun and engage in conversations on a variety of topics that affect us today.

The next session of Totally Outright takes place in June. For more information, you can visit www.actoronto.org/to or you can contact Rui Pires at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

To continue where I left off in part 9 of my story, which you can read here, the decision was made to seek to remain in Canada as a Conventional Refugee, thanks to the information shared with me by the man I had fallen for during (Toronto) Pride 2011.

I returned home and began to discreetly wrap things up, all the while maintaining contact with the list of references provided to me by my new boyfriend.  I reached out to folks at the 519 Church Street Community Centre and the Metropolitan Community Church  who in turn connected me with a great lawyer. The support I received from them was overwhelmingly positive, much like the support I received from my partner and unlike the negative feedback I received from my gay relative here in Canada. One of his opinions was that people from our country “don’t succeed” with such claims. But despite his negativity, I decided to proceed.

In less than a month I returned to Toronto. I was scared shitless but optimistic at the same time. Here I was making a break for it from the years of bullshit and turning a new yet uncertain page of my life. I didn’t know what to expect. A few days after I arrived, I formally made the claim at the Citizenship and Immigration Canada (CIC)   office. It was a two-part process that included having to be interviewed by an immigration officer to ensure that I met the requirements. That in itself was terrifying, to say the least. I then had to complete a medical exam in which the results would determine if I’d be eligible to work while I wait for my refugee hearing.

Since the results of this exam would take a few months, I decided to use this time to tend to some much needed mental self care. I started by touching base with the program coordinators of the refugee support group, Amongst Friends, at the 519 and by way of referral from the very support doctor that performed my medical exam, I went to an HIV specialist. After all, I had no clue what was going on with me medically. I then enrolled in an excellent program by the AIDS Committee of Toronto (ACT) geared specifically to HIV positive gay men - Gay Poz Sex (GPS). Joining this program was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. It literally gave me the tools needed to start unpacking the side effects of the homophobia I faced. It also gave me some much needed practical Canadian HIV 101. Like the fact that I must disclose my status to anyone I wanted to have sex with prior to doing so. (Editor's note – where there is a “significant risk” of transmission.) This law doesn’t exist at home. In fact if I disclose my status, I’d probably have my ass kicked, among other things.

The more I learned about the HIV community/movement, the more I felt the need to get involved. I then started volunteering for ACT and, from a connection made through the GPS group, I was given the opportunity to have a voice through PositiveLite.com. Apart from my new activism stripe, I continue to meet with the facilitator of the GPS program after it wrapped up to continue unpacking my mental issues. These private sessions are a now weekly part of my life.

On the social side of things, I’ve been slowly starting to come into my real self. I now love all things gay. It’s a bit difficult to go from closet case to gay and proud but I’m working on it. Like anyone my age, I enjoy hitting the bars/clubs in the village from time to time and checking out the eye candy in the Church-Wellesley village. I’m still navigating my way through the maze of making friends but I do have a few genuine guy friends for which I’m more than thankful.

Though I’ve been finding ways to occupy myself, I still have the ‘what if’s’ thoughts that causes a panic. Like what if things don’t go well and I have to return home? It’s inevitable for anyone in my shoes not to have these thoughts but thanks in great part to ongoing counselling and the support from those around me, I’m slowly learning to counter those negative thoughts with positive ones.

I was lucky enough that after I received my work permit earlier this year I was able to find full-time employment in a field that I’m familiar with. Through my volunteer duties and participation in different LGBT support programs, I was able to see that you actually can live a normal life with HIV. With that in mind, I’m planning to finally pursue my educational and career-related goals. I gave up on them after my diagnosis but I’m ready to move forward with my life. I’m more than just HIV positive.

Within a few short months, I’ve been able to accomplish things that I never would have thought possible if I were still in my country. I’ve been able to put a totally different spin on my life and possibly my future, if granted permission to remain in Canada. Though it’s daunting, and despite the difficult moments that come with being a refugee claimant, I’ve been able to see tremendous results from simply taking a stand.

The beginning of a new week. Optimistic and full of life, especially after a sunny, almost summer-like weekend spent rollerblading on Cherry Beach (Toronto). I was happy. Until I received an email entitled “HELP” from a close friend in my home country in the Caribbean.  At first I thought it was one of those forwarded emails asking you to sponsor a child inAfrica or one instructing you to send it to 10 people and your dreams will come through  - but I was sadly mistaken. This was a genuine plea for help from a friend suffering the brunt of the same homophobic society that I’m attempting to escape.

“Dear Scott,

I almost died on the March 1st. I went to meet a guy (from gay dating site adam4adam) and it was like a horror movie, two guys jumped me, stripped me naked and kept me on the bathroom floor for about two hours. The ordeal took four and a half hours. I swear they were going to kill me. One had a Chinese chopper (machete) and they kept threatening me, they were hitting me and everything that goes along with it along with death threats.

They took pictures of me giving the guy a blow-job and threatened to out me.

I have been to the police back and forth for days, telling them the same story over and over. They took all my money from my debit and credit cards and my cell phone :( ... I don’t know what to do.

The guys are outing me for being gay, the police are even worse (prejudice) and now want to charge me for wasting police time. I had to tell my parents it’s a whole mess. 

My parents told everyone at church and I lost my position (at church) so I am at rock bottom.

Why do these things keep happening to me??? I haven’t been eating, it’s real stress”

I suddenly had flashbacks of my own experiences with uncooperative, homophobic police, the shame of being outed to not only your family but everyone in your community and feelings of despair mixed with thoughts of suicide. I can’t begin to explain the sense of danger and panic that fell over me. I’m angry and scared. Every time I see a police officer or police car I cower. Imagine being the victim of a hate crime where because you’re gay, you’re told that you don’t deserve protection.

Sadly this inhumane treatment is the norm in my country. I can only pray that my friend finds some way of dealing with the trauma of this attack.

These are the stories that need to be told. Too many times we allow these bullies to silence us and make us live in fear. This story is symbolic of some of the reasons that I’m seeking refugee status in Canada. We are all humans and we all deserve to live in a society that’s accepting and grants us our basic human rights. I will continue to be the voice for my countrymen who are not able to speak out and I hope that my story, along with the many others out there, show that there’s hope for each and every one of us.

Jackie Shane was a gay black cross-dressing androgynous rhythm and blues singer who rose to fame in the early 1960’s in Montreal and mainly Toronto. Though his rise to fame can be credited to his devout Canadian following, Jackie was born and raised in Nashville, Tennessee. He grew up around music. While Nashville is famous for its roots in country music, there was a growing jazz movement throughout the 1950’s and in his teenage years, he lived with Marion James, Nashville’s Queen of the blues.

Jackie attracted many R&B enthusiasts not only because of his talent, but also because of his appearance. In one instance he is described as a cross between Little Richard, Prince and Eartha Kitt. In another, he’s described as Judy Garland meets James Brown. He was backed by well known dual trumpeteer Frank Motley and his band. Before he tasted fame, Jackie was the protégée of Little Richard and when he became famous, he was part of the Etta James review.

Jackie was also known for his sassy banter and double entendres. In his 1963 hit, ‘Any other way’ he can be heard crooning the lyrics “Tell her that I’m happy; tell her that I’m gay; tell her I wouldn’t have it any other way”.

Yonge Street, Toronto was described as the entertainment district during the R&B movement with clubs on almost every corner. Canada was considered to be less racially prejudiced than the states. The fans were also incredibly accepting of his openly gay  and cross dressing lifestyle during a time when homophobia was widespread. To his critics, Jackie would say “I live the life I love and I love the life I live; and I hope you’ll do the same”

Jackie often travelled back to his hometown of Nashville, Tennessee where he would visit different soul and R&B clubs. During one of these visits, he was featured as a guest on America’s first all black TV show, Night Train. There he performed “Walking the Dog”. This is the only known performance footage that exists of Jackie.

He disappeared in the late 1960’s and though there have been many rumours about his death, after the airing of a documentary on his life on Canadian radio station CBC, he was located and is said to be alive and well

Jackie never received commercial success beyond his hit record “Any other way” and his strong Toronto following. Although not much information is available about his life, what little evidence of his presence that exists proves that he is not only a queer pioneer but also a hero to the gay black community.

For this reason he deserves to be celebrated this black history month and recognized by generations to come as a source of inspiration. 

He was a gay man. His work has influenced many, including famed writer/poet Maya Angelo and producer/filmmaker Spike Lee.

Raised by his mother, Emma Berdis Jones and abusive stepfather, preacher David Baldwin, he was the oldest of several siblings. Though the family was poor, he attended the prestigious and mostly Jewish DeWitt Clinton High School in the Bronx and then The New School, a university primarily located in theGreenwich Village. At age 14 he became a preacher in the Pentecostal Church as a result of the hardships of his life and in the footsteps of his stepfather. He soon attracted more worshipers than his stepfather. But at age 17, he left the church as he disagreed with the views of Christianity.

Baldwin was mentored by famous Harlem Renaissance painter Beauford Delaney. Delaney was also an African-American and also gay. This was Baldwin’s first realization that a black person can be an artist. "The first living proof, for me, that a black man could be an artist” said Baldwin. During his youth be became aware of his own homosexuality and so to escape the intolerance blacks and homosexuals faced in America, he left and went to Paris. There, he wanted to come to terms with his sexuality and he wanted to be viewed as more than just a Negro writer.

His most acclaimed novel, was Go Tell It on the Mountain, a semi- autobiographical coming of age story published in 1953. Giovanni’s Room, published in 1956, was a controversial work of fiction due to its homoerotic content and exclusively white character base. Other works such as Another Country and Tell Me How Long the Train’s Been Gone experimented with black and white characters, heterosexual, bisexual and homosexual characters. Baldwin contributed many other literary works not only in the form of novels but also book length essays and short stories.

Moved by the Civil Rights Movement, he returned to America in 1957 to lend his talents to the cause. He travelled to the south where he met and befriended Martin Luther King Jr. He wrote many essays about the movement. He associated himself with the Congress of Racial Equality (CORE) and the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee (SNCC). He became a spokesperson for the movement in 1963 and made the cover of TIME magazine in May of that year. He made an important appearance at the March on Washington alongside friends Marlon Brando and Sidney Poitier. Notably he rejected the label of civil rights activist, instead joining his personal friend Malcolm X in the belief that if one is a citizen, one should not have to fight for one's civil rights.

As a gay man Baldwin was subject to a callous homophobic attack by writer/political activist Eldridge Cleaver in the narrative Soul on Ice. At the Chapter of Black and White Men Together (BWMT-NY) forum held in a gay synagogue known as Simchat Torah on the West side of Greenwich Village, he gave a speech saying that “his life-long sexual orientation had never been a secret, but he had not always felt it was necessary, "or anybody's business," to openly affirm it. “Before I was seven years old," he said, "there were so many labels on my back, beginning with'nigger.' By the time I was 14, I went through a kind of nervous breakdown, which happened when I was a preacher, and by the time I was 17, 1 had survived all the labels, including the label of 'faggot.' It wasn't and it isn't, easy."

He went on to depict racism in the gay community as merely an extension of racism in the wider White Western societies. He said “Gays, like Blacks, are being used as scapegoats for society's own fears. They are becoming victims of the anger Whites feel when they see that capitalism must, of necessity, give way to a new economic order of socialism. Yet even White socialism seems unable to eliminate its racism," he added.

He concluded his speech with a powerful affirmation. It goes "One has to reject, in toto, the implication that one is abnormal. That is a sociological and societal delusion that has no truth at all. I'm no more abnormal than general.

James Baldwin died on December 1^st 1987 from stomach cancer at Saint- Paul-de-Vence in France.  He was laid to rest at Ferncliff Cemetery in Hartsdale New York.  

Let us rember and celebrate his life and works this black history month.

Usually black history month features stories of heroes such as Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, Rosa Parks and significant events such as the March on Washington. But this month, my posts will be dedicated to black GAY heroes. Those that gave and continue to give hope to other gays from the black community. So to kick things off, let’s start with Bayard Rustin.

Bayard Rustin was born on March 17^, 1912 in Westchester Pennsylvania. He attended Wilberforce University, Cheyney State College and City College of New York. He never received a B.A. Mr. Rustin is cited for his involvement in The Civil Rights Movement, in which he was the leading activist from 1947-1955 with his stance on pacifism and the gay rights movement. He was influenced by civil rights activists W.E.B Du Bois and A. Phillip Randolph, among others.  He was also heavily influenced by the teaching of Mahatma Gandhi. He even travelled to India in 1948 to learn non violent civil resistance techniques from the leaders of the Gandhian movement. He influenced the lives and works of people such as Martin Luther King Jr. and James L Farmer Jr., to name a few.

Mr. Rustin held many positions throughout his lifetime. He was the founder of the Youth Communist League, later known as the Anti-Communist League. He was the President of the Sleep Car Porters and the Race Relations secretary for the Fellowship of Reconciliation (FOR).  He was the field secretary for the Congress of Racial Equality and helped organize the Journey of Reconciliation known as the “Freedom Ride”. He assisted in lobbying President Truman to eliminate segregation in the military and he aided Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in the Montgomery Bus Boycott. He was the chief organizer and deputy director of the March on Washington for jobs and freedom where Dr. King gave his legendary “I have a dream” speech. He had many other affiliations.

As an openly gay man, he was arrested in Pasadena California in 1953 for homosexual activity. The charge was “sex perversion” i.e. consensual sodomy; or so it was called at the time. He served a total of 60 days in prison. He was subsequently fired from the Fellowship of Reconciliation (FOR). One can only imagine the strength and determination it took to live openly as a gay man in those times yet wonder how despite his sexuality, he was able to achieve such greatness amongst the black community. Not spared from criticism due to his sexuality he was slandered by Senator Storm Thurmond on the basis of his homosexuality, among other things. The Senator even published a photo of him talking to Dr. King as King showered, in an attempt to portray a same sex relationship between the two - a relationship that both men denied.

An inspiration to many, he was a strong voice for the gay rights movement. He served as a human rights and election monitor for Freedom House; an NGO that advocates democracy, political freedom and human rights. He testified on New York’s Gay Rights Bill and in 1986 he gave the infamous speech “The New Niggers Are Gays”- a speech that is still relevant today. It goes:

“Today, blacks are no longer the litmus paper or the barometer of social change. Blacks are in every segment of society and there are laws that help to protect them from racial discrimination. The new "niggers" are gays. . . . It is in this sense that gay people are the new barometer for social change. . . . The question of social change should be framed with the most vulnerable group in mind: gay people”

 Bayard Rustin died on August 24^th 1987 of a perforated appendix, survived by Walter Naegle, his partner of 10 years. Let us celebrate his life and achievements by remembering his teachings on equality regardless of sexual orientation, his stance on avoiding violent means and the respect for human personality.